Exhale

The euphoria over 2.4 has died down and I've sobered up.

Am starting to regret not putting in more effort for econs and exercising better time-management during the test. But I guess its too late. I'll just go to a corner, pray that I get 3 measley marks for the DRQ section(minimum for a pass!) and try and be content with my E/D/C or whatever it is I've got under the A level system of grading.


Was thinking about certain issues for the past week. What drives me. What motivates me. What pushes me that extra mile. (Is this starting to sound like that disastrous scholarship interview? Nooooo)

I'm such a perfectionist (and that's not a good thing sometimes) Never noticed it till recently. And I guess I also didn't want to acknowledge that inherent part of me.
Thank you DISC personalilty test. I know I'm not really an ID personality type anymore.

Got back one of my essays today. Admitedly I didn't really put a whole lot of effort into it when I was writing it but I think the comments and the grade just still pissed me off a lot. Began complaining to the nearest person (as I always do) which happened to be John and sulked a little, but then realized later that my annoyance wasn't so much directed at the teacher who gave me that mark but more so myself that I didn't manage to meet up with whatever expected grade I had in mind.

And this is what I always do with my lousy assignments.
I skim past the comments. Fold it up. Throw it at the bottom of my file and refuse to look at it for the rest of the year. In the meantime I work even harder to make up for that one assignment.

Which is what I did for O level Lit last year. Didn't take a second look at my script for the disastrous RnJ passage-based test after I first saw the D. Had an inexplicable, deep aversion for consultation sessions with GWS, even though I probably would've benefited from it. Because I wanted to do it on my own.

Because I wanted to do it on my own. Because I had this stubborn conviction that I could.
And that mindset sometimes prevails even today.

Yet in the end, it worked. I'm still quite puzzled over it. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe I'm just judging myself too harshly again. Whatever.

I was wondering if I could expect a similar miracle this year. Somehow I doubt it for a lot of reasons which I don't feel like stating now. But the gist of it is that I suppose I have to stop sweeping everything under the carpet and start being more open to criticism.

So. Shall begin by taking out that essay and try to see what went wrong and try to resist the urge to put it away. And then we'll do the same when I get back the econs test next week.

Whoopee.

posted by Jeanne @ 11:50 PM